Sexual and Emotional Wisdom

Bonnie Kellen

What is sexual and emotional wisdom?

I chose specifically not to say sexual and emotional “intelligence,” but “wisdom.”

Wisdom involves a perspective and the ability to make sound judgments..

Wise people consider multiple perspectives rather than thinking in black and white. Being open to new ways of thinking and questioning the status quo is a cornerstone of wisdom and helps cultivate it.

People with wisdom generally act with regard for others but also ensure that their own needs and goals are met; they also seek to understand what drives others rather than immediately judging someone for their actions. They are able to set their own goals, establish their own values, and know what makes them happy. Individuals with wisdom are more mellow and tend to have sexual relationships based on reciprocity, understanding, kindness, and safety and mutual satisfaction.

Cohort Effect

To be wise, one must understand where he/she/they stands in history.

Consider how coming of age in the1950s and 60s differ from how you came of age in the 21 st Century.

Shared experiences shape values, attitudes, beliefs, and behaviors.

Here you are in the 2020s, having to negotiate your sexual and relational life in a cultural environment unique and specific to this time.

There is a cultural pressure, whether it be from your peers, popular culture, or technology, all leading to many opportunities and choices. It also presents limited role models and high standards.

Are you willing to be reflective and insightful and try to determine what works best for you? Or be on a treadmill, repeating your previous unfulfilling actions over and over again?

People today are expected to become sexually active at an earlier age and get married at a later age. There could be twenty years of experimentation and dating before marriage – what does this do to your psyche? You have twenty years of experience that may not be fulfilling

Sexual and emotional therapy contains three main tenets:

“Letting Go” letting go of attitudes, beliefs, self-talk, fears and shame, anxieties and behaviors that ultimately do not work for you.

“Letting In” new insights, attitudes, learning advanced sexual techniques, communication skills with a partner about sexual desires and behaviors, the ability to set boundaries and goals, and to negotiate for yourself.

“Letting Be” means having a more mellow attitude, accepting yourself, being patient, allowing your life to happen.

Sexual and Emotional Wisdom therapy is for the individual who wants to be the master of their own experience instead of going along for the ride without agency.

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